No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize