I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
