he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
