mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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