Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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