just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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