just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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