do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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