She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
