I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
