My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
