WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
