He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
