can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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