Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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