When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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