question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
