There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
