That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
