I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
