I love black thongs
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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