if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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