You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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