I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize