i don't like sucking hair
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
