how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
