I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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