I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize