she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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