I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
