My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
wow bdsm is so cute
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
