I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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