I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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