3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
