Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
