There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
