It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
