Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
