my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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