Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
