the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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