i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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