Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
