this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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