Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
