New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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