accomplished twins. life is a go
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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