I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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