yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
