she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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