And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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