Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
