Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
