If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
