remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
