I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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