im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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