i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
