I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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