she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize