I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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