Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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