It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
