He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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