No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
