So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
PS: I just woke up from my shower
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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