No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
