Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
