I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
