is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
