Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
