i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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