In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
