Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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