My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
