i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
