I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
