Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
