you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
