I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
