I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
