Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
