The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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