I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
