im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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