I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
