I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dignity is for republicans.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
