I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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