Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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